A Story for a Nice Evening
by I.-.-.I Kuroyagi I.-.-.I
Summary: I will say this... everything you expected... won't happen here. Not in the way you wanted it, at least. Get inside and read! Enjoy this while you can! I fear it can be banned! Hahaha!


**Disclaimer: I love how I keep on repeating myself saying "I don't own this manga, Hiro Mashima does" and then move on to the story. Don't you?**

_A/N: Can I just say… something? Yeah, like… I know you people want me to update many stories and that and this and whatever… but can I remind you that, like you, I also have other things to do? Currently I'm on vacations. Yep, that means I should have lots of time to write and etc. but the reality of the matter is different. I'm barely having any time to even think lately… with family and friends bugging me at every minute and then the festivities. You know the drill. It also seems that, now that I'm older, I have even less time to get into my hobbies. And yeah… that's about it. If you failed to understand my short ranting, then well, continue to wait for the updates while I sort things out on my end._

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**A Story for a Nice Evening**

**Crack-fic: You've been warned.**

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_I.-.-.I Magnolia Town I.-.-.I_

_I.-.-.I Fairy Tail Guild I.-.-.I_

A long time ago…

Maybe not so long ago…

In a land far, far away…

Okay, maybe not really that far away.

There was a boisterous guild full with boisterous people that had the gall to be merry despite every single bad occurrence that befell them.

And that wasn't wrong, oh no.

In fact, that is the very reason I am focusing on them and not some others on this beautiful night.

Okay, it might be a little windy and it looks like a storm will come sooner than later…

But still, a beautiful night as any other.

We're alive, aren't we?

"Mira-chan~! Another round of beers this way~!"

"Aye aye!"

"I want another sandwich~!"

"Coming soon!"

Ah, enough of the introductions for this story. We're not interested in them, are we? All of us are here to bear witness to our favorite group of wizards and their shenanigans as usual. Which, as always, end up with a thing or two blowing up or being destroyed to smithereens.

"Man, New Year's back again." Gray commented drowsily to his companions, which happened to be a blond-haired girl with ginormous boobs, a pink-haired brat with an attention deficit, a scarlet-haired woman who couldn't control her temper and a blue cat that, aside the oddity of its hair color, could also walk, talk and sprout wings from its back to fly.

"The year came and go as fast as the last one." Erza, the scarlet-haired woman with anger management issues, added as she took a bite of her sacred dessert. A strawberry cheesecake.

"Meh… no jobs today… and no fights either 'cause Gramps said so…" The pink-haired youngster, otherwise known as Natsu Dragneel, grumbled his words against the table over which his face laid. He, as you just read, was bored as a bunch of tourists in the middle of the desert. "This sucks."

"Aww, don't say that... it's nice to have a quiet day every now and then." The blond-haired bimbo, Lucy, countered with a relieved smile. From all the people there, she was the most delighted to see some normalcy around the place. "Right, Mira?"

The passing barmaid who was mentioned earlier, stopped for a second to give a heart-warming smile and answered. "Aye aye, Lucy~."

"See?" And with that, the blondie felt like she had won the whole argument.

The end.

"What!?" A green-haired man with a red uniform shouted from the upper floors, looking in disbelief at the author. "You can't be serious!?"

"Indeed! You forgot to mention my babies!" A strange fellow with a strange suit yelled next to him. "And I'm not a strange fellow! You douche!"

"You focused on those dimwits! Again! Like you always do! And forgot about us! Again!" A woman with glasses that could be called beautiful if one were to be really desperate or drunk- "DON'T FINISH THAT LINE, YOU FILTH!"

"Hmmm, I guess the author is really short on ideas lately." A good-looking old man with a decent stature and wise pose said to his unruly bunch of brats as he scratched some of his large quantities of hair. "Oh please, don't flatter me."

Anywho, I'm really short on ideas.

"We could always try to come up with something ourselves to liven things up, right?" Mira, the breathtakingly gorgeous barmaid of the guild, chirped a solution while nearing a blond man that had a few years more than her. She stepped on his foot, causing him to yell out in pain, and forced a barrel of beer down his throat. "Why don't we get Laxus drunk?"

"Oh! Oh! I know! Let's make a Bachelor's party and get all the girls to dance in bathing suits!" Macao and Wakaba, two of the guilds perverts- "WE'RE NOT PERVERTS!" –proposed an idea under the glares of the female population. "C'mon! Do it! You're a man, aren't you!?"

Of course I am, my dear characters, but I don't want to be beaten to a bloody pulp.

"Why don't we sit and tell some stories?" A blue-haired girl with petit body that could be considered charming and attractive questioned with a small blush on her chiseled cheeks. "T-that was unnecessary."

Oh please, you loved the flattery.

"I'm rather surprised you aren't fawning over Scarlet as you usually do." Kagura Mikazuchi, a very beautiful maiden of the sword –who was not supposed to be here, to be honest- commented after watching the whole introduction of this story. She was glaring at the author for his words. "Showering me with compliments won't gain you a thing, you fiend."

It was worth a try.

"Hey! Dumbass!" A rude man with piercings covering most of his face- "THEY'RE NOT ALL OVER MY FACE, FAGGOT!" –called for attention, which he needs, and pointed to a very drunk blond man that was walking to the stage of the guild hall. "Laxus's drunk as fuck and he's gonna sing!"

Finally something worth the effort of sharing with the other readers.

The blond man, formerly a fearsome S-class mage, was now barely standing while trying to subdue the alcohol in his liver. He was carried to the stage by a very amused Mirajane with the help of Bacchus –who shouldn't be there too- and some other members of the guild that I can't find the will to mention.

"YOU ASSHOLE!"

Serves you all right for being less than noticeable characters.

"Oi…" Natsu narrowed his eyes and stared disapprovingly at the author. "That was mean."

And your insult was so hurtful I'm bathing with my own tears.

Sarcasm aside, let's see what Laxus is going to do.

"I-I… hic… I… I don't… even know… what the hell am doing here?" The blond man said/questioned as he looked over a paper given to him by the amused barmaid, his eyes crossing at some points while trying to read the lyrics in the paper. "I-I'm supposed… to sing… this shit? Right?"

"Yes! Go Laxus!"

If you need to know, that was the Thunder-God Tribe cheering for their boss.

"O-Okay… uh… how…?" As if reading his thoughts, music started to play and a little tuba sound in the background told him in which points was his voice needed for the song. Something of which I would love to tell you all about, especially the part in which Laxus throws up over the microphone, but I have other plans.

"WHAT!?"

Again, that was the Thunder-God Tribe.

(Little note: Shouldn't they be following Orga instead? I mean, he's the real Thunder God.)

"WE WILL ALWAYS FOLLOW NATSU! WE MEAN LAXUS! DAMMIT!

Yeah, sure.

"Didn't you said you were short on ideas a few minutes ago?" Makarov asked with a questioning eyebrow.

Yes, I did, but then… but then, I would rather describe something other than puke.

At realizing the whole deal, the respectable old man nodded slowly and left the author to his devices. "Carry on then."

Okay, this is the point many of you were waiting.

Yes, finally, Kuroyagi will delight the fandom with another NatZa story!

"What!?"

"Natsu and I!?"

"Erza and I!?"

But that's not the case… heheheh.

"Eh?"

Instead, I present to you, a different kind of story.

A story suited for a nice evening such as this one.

"Again… eh?"

In answer to the many requests I've gotten over the course of the past two years!

(Little note: Seriously, there were many requests for this. Like -10, I think.)

Tonight I shall present you!

A Kagura x Natsu x Ultear story!

Natsu by the table had his eyes wide as the Eclipse Gate.

Kagura by the bar counter let the glass on her grasp slip and shatter on the floor.

And a rejuvenated Ultear appeared by the front doors of the guild to glare daggers and many other sharp objects at the author.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU PLOTTING NOW!?"

Oh, if I were to say I would ruin the fun and suspense, correct?

"I say, if you force me to wear a nurse's outfit with Meredy again-!"

Nope, no such thing, my dear.

"I'M NOT YOUR DEAR!"

Of course not, you're Natsu's.

"U-ugh…!"

"Hey, wait a minute." Gray, who was unfazed with all the craziness so far, pointed a finger to the scarlet-haired woman while looking at the author. There was a serious question in his eyes. "What are you going to do with Erza then?"

Said beautiful woman looked back and forth in curiosity, also wondering what was to become of her now.

"Really, the flattery is nice but you should tone it down." An annoyed Cana, who was also gorgeous, more than most there- "I SAID YOU SHOULD STOP WITH THE FLATTERY, YOU GODDAMNED CREEP!"

Okay okay…

Gray waved his hand and repeated his question. "So? What about Erza?"

Hmmm, there was one reader who asked me to write a gangbang rape…

"DON'T YOU FUCKIN' DARE!" A livid Jellal roared from the entrance of the guild, having followed Ultear with a very surprised and tearful Meredy to find himself listening to the author's idea. "A GANGBANG RAPE!? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND!?"

Uh… I could include you into it, if you want.

Jellal nodded solemnly. "Alright, I don't see a problem then."

Erza looked at her canon-beloved in disbelief. "JELLAL!?"

"Okay… I was just asking." Gray muttered once his question was answered, leaving the place after a short shrug to see what to do with his new and awesome abilities given to his deceased father… whom he didn't know that he was his father and ended up killing by mistake after yelling something along the lines of 'hate you' and- "HEY! TOO SOON, MAN! TOO GODDAMNED SOON!"

Suuuuure.

Going back to the love triangle…

"WE ARE NOT A LOVE TRIANGLE!"

Of course not…

"Good."

…not yet, at least.

"ASSHOLE!"

Let's see… from this point onwards, let's switch to the good ol' way of writing that made me famous.

But first, I shall throw Erza, Jellal and a random bunch of dudes into a parallel universe in which the gangbang will occur.

At being sucked by a portal that seemed to be alike to an Anima from Edolas, Erza tried to reach for Natsu's hand… "Natsu! Save me!"

…and Natsu tried to save her by extending his hand to catch her… "Erza!"

…only to fail miserably and be left to see Jellal's smugly smiling face before both wizards disappeared from the guild hall.

Did I mention that a clone of myself went there too? No? Good.

Switching to the good ol' writing style.

Kagura glared a little longer to the last spot where the author was felt and then turned to look at her fellow companions.

Ultear seemed to be angered, something she could understand, but it looked like the woman was also glad for being returned to her younger age.

And Natsu, the Dragon Slayer was punching the ground in anger and regret at being unable to save his precious friend from her very pleasurable doom.

'_I should do something to help him…'_ Was the swordswoman's thought after pitying the young man for a moment, noticing that they were all victims of the evil, charming author and needed to cope together with this situation they were in. _'Maybe talking to Ultear will help.'_

She approached the silent Time Wizard and rested a hand on her shoulder, calling her attention. "Ultear, I won't lose to you."

The place went silent after that.

Kagura's eyes widened to the size of a dragon. _'I-I didn't mean to say that! What happened!?'_

"What? Are you planning to steal Natsu from me, Kagura?" Ultear's eyes also widened after some words left her mouth. She immediately brought a hand to it to keep anything else from being spoken. _'I did NOT want to say that!'_

Both women looked to the ceiling in seething anger while Natsu stood up slowly from the ground.

His face was shadowed by the bangs of his hair.

Fists clenched to bleeding point.

Teeth gritting.

"I…" He walked towards the two bombshells and rested his hands on the shoulders of both, gripping them hard enough to make them realize he was there with them. Once he had their full attention, he looked at them with the most primal and feral eyes someone would have ever seen on Natsu's face. "I'm gonna fuck the two of you silly."

Dropping jaws from the guild members aside, the two women blushed heavily and stared open-mouthed at the Dragon Slayer.

Was he suffering the same effects as the two of them?

"Natsu! You silly and lovable idiot! I'd very much appreciate that!" _'Are you suffering this strange magic from the author as well, Dragneel!?'_ Kagura's words didn't match what she truly wanted to say.

"If you must, do me first so that I can fully enjoy your manhood, Natsu!" _'I swear to Zeref and every other Dark Wizard in history, I'm gonna kill that author!'_ And Ultear wasn't fairing any better than her partner.

Now…

Natsu looked at the two voluptuous women up and down, seizing down his preys with hungry eyes that truly made the females shiver in anticipation and some fear.

'_Okay… seems like there's no turning back from this…'_ Kagura thought while biting her lower lip. _'Calm down, Kagura… it's Dragneel… you are very lucky.'_

'_We will have to suck it up… literally… and make the best of it.'_ Ultear nodded with resolution and prepared herself mentally. _'Plus... it's a good time as any to enjoy my rejuvenated body… cannot hurt much.'_

The pink-haired man looked them over once their mind were made and nodded. "Good."

After giving a one word answer, the strong and horny Dragon Slayer took both girls by the waist and carried them over his shoulder to his house by the bordering forests of Magnolia, followed closely by the startled gazes of his friends, that were still trying to grasp what in the seven Fairy Spheres was happening.

Want me to be honest?

Yes, Natsu was under the same effects as Ultear and Kagura…

…and he instead said something about venting out his frustration in a short spar…

…but since the girls are already thinking he was going to, you know~

In the end, everything ended on a happy note and everyone got laid.

Gray was kidnapped by a stalking Juvia.

Gajeel happened to run onto a drunk Cana who needed someone to "scratch her back".

Makarov went to Porlyusca's tree-house to… you see… let's say he had a morning wood that night and the next day.

Even Laxus, who after passing out to the alcohol in his system was taken by a glowing Freed to… uh… you know~

The only one who didn't get laid was Lucy, unsurprisingly.

Who would want to end up in jail because of an underage bimbo?

Not a single person in that guild, I tell you.

The end.

"Again… you forgot about us." Evergreen sighed after the whole story was over.

Did I say she didn't get lay either?

"SHUT UP, YOU IMBECILE!"

Now, it is truly the end.

Have a happy new year, my friends.

**Until later~**

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**A/N: Okay... I believe this will be the last of me in a long time... like two or three weeks... maybe a month or two until vacations are semi-over. With semi-over I mean, when I'm done with visiting my friends and relatives and return to my good, secluded and paranoid self. Muahahahahaha! *coughs* I mean, once I return to my peaceful enviroment surrounded by cushioned floors, walls and ceilings. Hehehehehe~!**

**Have a good start of the year, my dear friends, be sure I'll not forget my stories and continue them once the madness of these days is over!**

**I swear it over the oath of the Crimson Brotherhood!**

**Hail Red!**

**Saludos~!**


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